The Waiting Game

Well, its been 2 1/2 months since I graduated. And the questions I keep getting are, “Have you gotten a job yet?” “Any prospects?” “Where are you looking?” For the record, here are my answers. No. No. Nowhere. I am not currently looking for a job in the dental field.

I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I was supposed to go to dental assisting school. I know that that was the direction God was taking my life. But now that I’m done, I have a sense that he has something for me outside of a traditional job, at least for the time being. I can always go back to the dental field, but I am in such a unique season in my life right now. I am 20 years old, single, have little debt, am done with college….I really have nothing tying me down right now aside from relationships.

That being said, I do not know specifically where God is leading me. Honestly, He could just be giving me a break before I go to work at a dentist office. I really don’t know. I have a lot of dreams and desires, but I don’t want that to be the driving force in any decisions I make in this season in my life. My flesh absolutely wants that to be the case, but I desire more than anything to be living out God’s plan for my life, which requires sacrifices.

I have a few different areas of ministry that have been brought up to me recently, but at this point I am just playing the waiting game. I have to be honest, it kind of sucks, because I am so used to having a plan for my life. I’m so used to having the next few years of my life mapped out, and now absolutely nothing is certain. This is such an interesting and stretching season for me spiritually and emotionally, but I can say even now in the midst of it that it is not something I would ever trade for the return.

A relationship with Christ, a true, passionate, committed, devoted and loving relationship with Him is worth more to me than anything this world could offer me, and it is far more worthy a cause to be suffering for. I am seeing every day more and more what kind of amazing, loving God I serve and it really makes these uncertain days completely worth it.

I guess those are my after midnight thoughts this evening.

Thirteen Years in the Making

Almost exactly 13 years ago, I had one little appointment that changed my life. Most sentences like that lead to some devastating words like, "I was diagnosed with cancer." My story is not nearly that dramatic; for me, this appointment was my first ever dental visit. The dentist my sister went to would only see children 7 or older. I remember wanting to go to the dentist so badly, but I wasn't old enough. When my mom told me that the dentist was going to let me come in a few days before my 7th birthday, I was elated. I felt like such a grown up, getting to get my teeth cleaned! Most kids hated going to the dentist, but I loved it; I loved it so much that, after that first appointment I told my mom that I knew what I wanted to do when I grew up: I wanted to be a dental hygienist. From then on, it was my plan, and it was set in stone.

I remember walking around the playground in 5th or 6th grade talking to my friend Emily about the future. I asked her if she knew what she wanted to do when she grew up and she said she wasn't sure yet, but that she'd thought about physical therapy. She knew that it had been my plan for a few years to be a dental hygienist and she asked if I thought that I would stick to that or that I'd change my mind. I told her that I couldn't imagine wanting to do anything else, simple as that.

Once I reached middle school, I started to plan. I looked at the possible educational paths I could take. I had decided some time in elementary school that I wanted to do Running Start at Skagit Valley College so that I could get all of my pre-reqs done while still in high school. I began to look into schools that I could go to after Skagit and found out that Eastern Washington University was the only university in the state that offered a dental hygiene degree. That school became my top pick, followed by Shoreline and Lewis and Clark. I knew that it was going to be hard, but I was determined.

In 11th grade, I started classes at Skagit. I had spent countless hours researching the pre-reqs for each school and figuring out which ones I could take at Skagit. It was going to be tough, but I had worked it out so that I could take all of the pre-reqs for all three schools at Skagit. My first quarter was great; I had the perfect schedule, great classes and great teachers. I was enrolled full-time at the school, was able to finish class every day by 10:30 and work part-time at Papa Murphys. It was a great set-up!

Winter quarter of my junior year changed everything. I found myself with classes that didn't start until 11:30 every day. I could either take an additional class that I didn't need or, at my dad's suggestion, look into volunteering at a dentist office. I thought my dad's idea was great and quickly stopped in at my dentist office to ask if it would be possible for me to come in every morning and observe. He agreed to let me come in, so starting January 2008, I went in three days a week. I split my time between observing hygiene, restorative and working in the front office. After a few weeks, I found myself in a dilemma: I loved being in the office but I really, really did not enjoy my time spent observing hygiene appointments. Every appointment was pretty much the same and really was not that interesting to me. The restorative appointments were a lot more fun to be a part of. Every appointment was different and they were a lot more exciting. I also loved my time spent in the front office doing filing and insurance work.

I talked to a couple of friends about my dilemma. I found myself really not wanting to be a hygienist anymore, but instead wanting to be an assistant. Everyone I talked to was so encouraging and reassuring. Part of me felt like I was abandoning The Plan that I'd had my whole life and I didn't want to fail myself or my family; on the other hand, it was gonna be hard work to get into the program, and I didn't want to spend all that money on a career I really wasn't that excited about. I was having a tough time with my microbiology class that quarter, and I knew that I had a lot more of them to come. I did a little research into the dental assisting program at Bellingham Technical College and thought that it might be the program for me. I sat my parents down and told them about my change in plans. They were extremely encouraging and let me know that it was perfectly fine for me to alter my plan a bit. I wasn't abandoning all that I had been working for, just tweaking things a bit. So I had a new goal: BTC.

Changing career focus allowed me more freedom at Skagit. I didn't have to take all science classes, which are pretty much my least favorite, and I would be able to earn an Associates degree. I got to take a lot of fun classes, from Small Group Communication to History of Rock and Roll, and really just had a great time earning my degree. Graduation day was huge for me. I was 17 years old and had earned a 2 year degree. Words cannot describe how accomplished I felt.

Back at the end of my junior year, Dr. Rasmussen found himself in need of a new part time front office employee. Instead of advertising the position, he offered it to me. I was already there, so why not start paying me? About a year after hiring me and just after graduating, Dr. Rasmussen asked me if I would be interested in working in a full time position as a schedule coordinator. I took the job and became part of the team at his office. At first, I was only there three days a week as I had some classes to finish at BTC prior to applying for the dental assisting program. At the end of 2009, I finished my classes and began really working full time. Dr. Dan was a great boss; although he knew I'd be leaving the job in a few months to start the dental assisting program, he included me in everything. I was able to go to several dental seminars put on by a dental consultant, Alan. I learned a great deal about communication in a dental office both with the team and with the patient. I also gained a lot of knowledge about dentistry itself.

My last day of work for Dr. Rasmussen was my 19th birthday in June 2010. It was a really bittersweet day, knowing I was leaving an amazing job and office but also knowing I was continuing the journey towards my goals and dreams. I spent the summer on some incredible adventures; I visited England, Paris, Las Vegas, Utah and Los Angeles, returning home 2 weeks before starting school. It was an amazing way to spend my 'last' summer as a student.

I remember my first day of class. I showed up early, books in hand, and got my kit of supplies for the year. I took my seat in the class, heart pounding on the inside but trying to keep it cool on the outside. As my classmates took their seats, I glanced at them all, thinking about how we would be spending the next nine months together. The class was a lot smaller than I expected with only 14 of us. When my teacher walked in, my first thought was that she looked so young, she had probably only graduated a few years ago herself. My initial thought was wrong. It was her first year teaching, but she was far from inexperienced, having been in the field for 20 years. We started class by introducing ourselves, then spent the morning looking over what we'd be learning. Despite my small dental background, everything seemed pretty foreign. There was a lot to learn and not a lot of time.

To be honest, a lot of the last nine months are a blur. Everything went by so fast. Looking back on things that happened three months ago, it seems like years. I ended up with some great classmates. Most of us were truly there to support and encourage one another. Some of us went through some personal trials, mine being the loss of my grandpa Bob back in January. Outside of the support from my friends and family, I probably couldn't have made it through school without the support from my classmates and teacher. Everyone was so encouraging and willing to just let me talk if I needed to. We formed a great support system for each other and I consider so many of them not just classmates but friends.

There is so much more I could say about the last nine months, so many stories I could tell. I have gone through so much personal growth. Looking back at who I was in September and who I am now, there are so many changes! Some of those changes came from the experiences I had at school, the friendships I made there, while others came from experiences and friendships outside of school. I have been blessed with an incredible community of people in my life!

Yesterday was it. It was my last day of school, and the start of the rest of my life. We went through all of the classic graduation activities: photos, hugs, laughs and memories. As I moved my tassel to the left side of my hat last night, as I walked across the stage to the cheer of my friends and family, as I shook the hand of my schools president, and as I hugged my teacher and thanked her for everything this year, a flood of emotions overwhelmed me. I began to tear up, realizing that this truly was it. I had made it. It was a struggle, sure, but I reached the finish line.

Thirteen years in the making.

i can get intellectual...

Last Wednesday, I sat at Starbucks wearing TOMS, leggings and a dress, typing on my Macbook and drinking my iced tea. I had headphones in my ears and was working on some projects and I really felt like I was emitting that perfect ‘indie intellectual’ vibe. I even joked about it with a couple of people who I saw who came in. But to be honest, I really liked it.

I could like to you right now and say that I am in a Starbucks wearing cute clothes sipping an iced coffee and listening to Death Cab for Cutie but thats not the truth, not even close. I’m sitting at my desk wearing PJs listening to Misty Edwards. I have no makeup on and my hair is a mess. Does that mean I’m not an ‘indie intellectual?’ Does that mean my thoughts are any less important? No, I don’t believe so; I do, however, believe that it changes people’s perception of my thoughts.

I honestly don’t know if that has anything to do with what I’m going to type. Actually, I don’t really know what I’m going to type. But I do know that I’ve been itching to write lately and so here I find myself.

The last two months or so have been absolutely life changing. God transformed my life literally overnight. I can kind of link it back to a few events, both of them in some way involving prayer…praying for others, specifically. One of the biggest things I’ve learned in the last two months is how truly powerful prayer is. In Matthew 7, Jesus speaks of asking and receiving; that has become such a great reality to me lately that it is staggering. I have seen prayers answered word-for-word within hours of me praying them. And these weren’t prayers for something to happen to me. They weren’t prayers for things that I had any control of whatsoever.

One example of this was prayer for certain conversations to come about between a friend of mine and a person in her life. I prayed for specific topics to be discussed. I told her the next day what I had prayed for and, slightly surprised, she told me that those specific things had been discussed the night before. This was not a conversation I had any part in at all. God is amazing!

Along with my growing relationship with Christ has come growing friendships with fellow Christians. I have been blessed with some of the most incredible friends in the last couple of months, both through growing in friendships that already existed to an explosion in brand new friendships. I look back to where my life was two months and see my life without certain people and can’t imagine what I did with myself before them. God has been using these friendships to tear down walls that I had created, to speak truth over lies that have been told and to pour out His own love into my life.

But all of this has not come without sacrifice of some sort. I have had to say ‘no’ to my flesh in so many ways. I have had to turn over my present desires in favor of an eternal reward. At times this has been as simple as choosing to listen to worship music instead of the alternatives, but God has really been preparing me through those small ‘sacrifices’ to learn to listen to His will and intentions for my life. Just last week, I had to say no to something major that I so greatly desired over following His path for my life. I was blessed in having some great mentors to give me advice, encouragement, prayer and Bible verses to help me make the difficult decision to say no to my flesh. But Proverbs 3:6 tells us that when we acknowledge God, He will guide our paths. I know this to be true.

All of this to say that without seeking and sacrificing for God, I would be nowhere, and I’d be heading there fast. I’d be without the incredible people in my life, which would be more of a loss for me than for them. I would be without the blessings He has given me, the things I don’t deserve but that He has so graciously provided. I’d be without a hope for eternity. He has poured His blood out over my life, over my mind, over my body, over my heart, over my soul and over my spirit. He has cleansed me of all of my wrongs so that I can live my life. Simply live it.

What things are you doing that you could give up? I’ve had to give up a lot. I’ve had to give up quite a few friendships because of choosing right. But even if that would have simply left me with Christ, it wold have been worth it. I’ve had to give up watching certain movies, going to certain parties, listening to certain music, saying certain words, the list goes on. I’ve given up completely the idea of dating. Don’t think that this isn’t an enormous struggle. I want to give up almost every day of my life. But the instant you look into His burning eyes of fiery love, everything is okay. I know that He remains the same and that my present circumstances will pass.

I know this is kind of all over the place, but this is small taste of where I’m at, what I feel, what I believe, and what my prayer is for all of you. I would strongly encourage you all to fast from non-worship music, no matter how good it may be or how much you may love the band. I highly recommend Misty Edwards and Jesus Culture. Between those two artists alone, you’ve got several hours of music soaking in the Holy Spirit. Download some teachings. Again, I highly recommend the few that Misty Edwards has done. Seek out God. Seek out His face, listen for His voice, and ask Him to reveal to you the plan He has for you. It will change your life.

Calling

(Copied from my tumblr)

Its so sad to me how much the world has forsaken God. He should be our first love, but He has been pushed to the back of the line. We listen to music, watch movies and TV shows, read books and magazines and have conversations that not only hurt us but also bring down our integrity as followers of Christ. We are meant to be the salt of the earth but instead we are just relying on others to perform that job.

I have been trying to make some big changes in my life lately. I am being a LOT more cautious about what movies and TV shows I watch. Just because something feeds our flesh doesn’t mean it is worth watching. I do not want anything to do with shows that feed my flesh because they can only lead to unhealthy beliefs, thoughts and habits. A lot of the stuff on TV and in movies serves only to fuel lust. The same goes for books, magazines and music.

Music could be one of the most beautiful things on earth. Its true purpose, to me, is to reveal God’s beauty and lead us to worship Him and reflect upon Him. Instead, people are creating and listening to music all about sleeping around, making out, shooting people, whatever. Its disgusting. The world has taken something precious and beautiful and completely destroyed it. I have been listening to a lot of Jesus Culture lately and its just incredible to me the type of worship music they are creating. It is just saturated with the Holy Spirit and yet people instead choose to listen to music with lyrics such as, “When the sober girls around me they be actin like they drunk.” I mean, come on people! That is just pathetic.

Think of how much we could grow in our relationships with God if we actually put some time and effort into it! We waste so much time chasing the values of the world: lust, feeling good, being rich, being popular and on and on and on. If we put half as much effort in our relationship with God as we do in the temporary things of this world, we could change it. We may not end up rich, we may not be popular, but in the end, what does that matter? In the end, you would get to look back and see the impact you made on the world. In the end, you could look back on your life with integrity, knowing that you did your best. In the end, you would be greeted in heaven by your proud Father saying that you did well. That is worth so much more than any temporary thing this world could offer!

Its time we stand up and accept our callings as Christians. Its time we recognize that along with a healthy relationship with Christ comes sacrifice. We may have to sacrifice the views that others have on us, but God sacrificed His Son. We may have to sacrifice living comfortably but Jesus gave up His seat in heaven to save us. We may suffer but Christ suffered a death more excruciating than any of us could imagine. He gave His everything and simply asks that we give Him SOMETHING. We should be more than happy and more than willing to give everything we have for Him.

Now this is just as much for me as it is for anyone who chooses to read it. But it is essential that we all realize this calling we have. God is calling out to us.

“Come away with me, come away. Its never too late, its never too late, its not too late for you. I have a plan for you, I have a plan. Its going to be wild, its going to be great, its going to be full of Me. Open up your heart and let Me in.”

An Open Letter To Someone I Care About

I remember 4 years ago, when we first met. You intimidated me a bit, which is hilarious looking back. We became fast friends and I loved to spend time with you. You were like a big sister to me in some ways. We shared some crazy, crazy nights of laughing until we cried. We talked about life and love and God. I was naive but you didn’t mind. You told me you wished you were too. Looking back, I wish the same for you. I respected you because you seemed to be moving forward despite many hurdles. You had big dreams and I believed in you.

I remember when things started to change. We were as tight as ever and then all of the sudden something happened. I knew what was going on, but I didn’t think it would affect you that much. I thought you were smarter than that. I was wrong, I guess. I remember the one day--the one specific conversation--that caused the shift. It seemed like nothing at the time but it was that conversation, casual as it was, that started your downhill decline. As the weeks went by, I could tell something wasn’t right but you wouldn’t listen, not to anyone.

I remember when you started keeping secrets from me. I cared so much and wanted to know what was wrong so I could help you, but you didn’t want my help. Were you ashamed? I remember the weeks where we barely talked. You were a mess but tried to put on a brave face. I saw right through it. You assured me that you were fine, but I knew you weren’t. Why didn’t you trust me enough to tell me?

I remember the conversation that changed everything. You conveniently told me at the one time and place where I shouldn’t cry, but I did. So did you. We cried together and I hurt for you. I had hoped better for you. At least you came clean. I talked to you and thought I got through to you. I saw you were hurt and needed someone and I was there for you. I cried with you, talked with you and prayed with you for hours. I hurt with you and for you. It broke my heart to hear what had happened. I thought you genuinely wanted to move forward. The ensuing weeks proved me wrong.

I tried to put your pieces back together, but all you did was take them apart again. Slowly you lost everyone with your bad decisions. Has it been a long and lonely road? I’ve stuck my hand out to you but you rarely grab it. I still care about you and it hurts me deeply to see you ruin yourself. Its not worth it! All you are doing is digging a deeper hole. Its never to late for escape, but the further you go, the more painful it will be to escape. I’m sad to say that I’ll probably be the only friend you have left when that day comes.

I say ‘when’ because I know that day will eventually come. I still believe in you. You have far to many hopes and dreams to keep wasting away like you are. I know deep inside, you see what you are doing is wrong and you see that there is a better way. I know that some part of you still loves God. I know you still miss your innocence. I hope your day of freedom comes soon. I will be standing by your side to walk with you through the pain because you will be on your way to a better life. I won’t stop caring. I love you.

“A summer’s drive away from dying
A broken heart, nothing to lose
I know it hurts so bad just trying
To please the ones you hate to love

And I wrote this note about someone I used to know
So I remember how life can be so short
When you’re left alone to wonder how it is
Someone opens and shuts the door

I know you’re cold
Come home
Its a shame how short we all have come

You set your mind on cruise control
Knuckles grip the wheel in fear to let it go
Love is empty, love is cruel
Love it blindly breaks the rules
How could you have been a fool? 
Its something all of us go through
You choke back tears and swallow lies
But those wiper blades won’t fix your eyes
Count on having clouded vision for at least a little while

I know you’re cold
Come home
Its a shame how short we all have come
I know you’re cold
Come home
Please don’t face the headlights of the oncoming cars alone

We won’t forget the past
We won’t forget the past
And I know you’re cold

Save all the answers and I will let you go
I won’t look back, I won’t look back
Save all the answers and I will let you go
I will let you go
And I will let you go
Save all the answers and I will let you go
I won’t look back, I won’t look back
Save all the answers and I will let you go
I will let you go
And I will let you go

Come home
Please don’t face the headlights of the oncoming cars alone
And I will let you go”

Theres Still Strength Left In Us Yet

Eleven months ago, my favorite band released a new album called Memento Mori. The album as a whole is my favorite set of songs released by any band, inspiring me and challenging me in so many ways. One song in particular really just hit home for me, though. The song is called Arise. It begins as a seemingly dark song, with lyrics like "there's snow on your face and your razor blade;" however, the song as a whole is a hopeful and inspiring one.

We live in a world full of sad stories and pain. There are people dying because they don't have access to clean water or food. There are young girls being sold into sex slavery. There are tsunamis and earthquakes destroying already depraved parts of the world. There are people committing suicide rather than realizing that they are important and loved. All of these problems are solvable. Sure, we can't prevent earthquakes or tsunamis, but we can provide relief to those suffering as a result. We can help provide food and water to those who need it. We can end sex slavery. We can love those who need it.

"We'll cry tonight and in the morning we are new. Stand in the sun. We'll dry your eyes."
All too often, we are hardened to the sufferings in this world because we see it too often. We see so many homeless people that we are numbed to their plight. We hear so many statistics about worldwide poverty that we forget the people. We hear so many jokes about 'emo' people that we forget there are people actually suffering from depression. We need to stop and realize that there are injustices in the world. We need to feel pain for these people. We need to cry. We need to be angry. But we can't stop there. We can't just cry. We need to dry those tears, move past our anger and act.

"Hold on to the world we all remember fighting for. There's still strength left in us yet. Hold on to the world we all remember dying for. There's still hope left in it yet."
Most of us have, at some point, fought for this world. Whether it was something small like talking to somebody who was lonely or something huge like going on a missions trip, we all have invested ourselves into this world. We all have fought for it in some way. Sometimes that fight seems like to much, like we'll never make a difference. Sometimes it seems like we don't have any strength left to give and like what we're doing isn't making a difference because the world is so broken. But there is hope.

"So sleep tonight, we'll sleep dreamlessly this time. When we awake, we'll know that everythings alright."
We all need rest. We all need rejuvenation. The world wears on us just as it wears on those we are trying to help. We need Jesus. We need love ourselves. We need to reflect on the progress we've made so that we aren't bogged down by the trials we face. We need community to encourage us, to remind us we're not alone. Sometimes, we just need a break. We need to step away from life for a day and just enjoy quiet. When we get these things, we are reminded that everythings okay. We are reminded that what we are doing is worth it.

"Arise and be all that you dreamed."
This song lyric was the most personal to me. This was the most general and the most specific. It was the most convicting and inspiring. It was the one that moved me the most. It caused me to really look at myself. What do I want for my life? What moves me? What do I want to accomplish? What are the things I hope of doing? What are the things I only dream of doing? What are the things God has for me? How can I do those things?

I ended up adopting this phrase for myself as a sort of personal mantra. I have begun to plan things, things that other people probably think are crazy. But I am beginning not to care. God has planted these dreams into me for a reason. He has plans for me--and plans for you--that are greater than we could possibly imagine. He may only give us a small picture of His plan, but we must rise up and embrace it wholeheartedly. We will never know what things He plans to accomplish through us.

Arise and be all that you dreamed. Fight for love. Live to die. Come alive.

The Joy of Music

Music and I have a long history. My mom is a music lover like myself, so I've grown up listening to it. I remember as a little girl listening to my mom's favorite band, Venice. The volume was loud and I had certain songs of theirs that were my favorites. I also grew up listening to Amy Grant. Christmastime at my parent's bakery was one of my favorites because we pulled out the Amy Grant Christmas albums. I loved singing along to Rockin Around the Christmas Tree while dancing around an imaginary Christmas tree.

My first concert was at the age of six. Back then, in 1997, you went to a Ticketmaster to buy concert tickets rather than ordering them online. My mom happened upon a Ticketmaster and saw that tickets to an Amy Grant concert in Seattle on Easter were just a few minutes away from going on sale. She decided on a whim to buy tickets for the family and somehow ended up with front row tickets. We went down to the Paramount Theater that Easter and my parents brought a cheesecake from the bakery with them. My sister and I gave the cheesecake to the security guard during intermission. When Amy came back out, she was going through some stuff that people had given her. I vividly remember her opening up the box, looking at the sticker and saying, "Ooo, Jim and Kerry's Cheesecake!" Of course, we have no idea if she actually ate it, but it was so cool for me to see this famous musician holding my parent's cheesecake.

As I got a little older, I began to listen to a lot of pop music like Britney Spears and Backstreet Boys. NSync was my favorite 'band' for a couple of years. However, when they released their album Celebrity, I remember listening to the lyrics and not liking the band much anymore. Even at the age of 10, I realized that the lyrics weren't appropriate. I soon discovered a Christian pop 'band' called Jump5. They soon became my favorite band. In fifth grade, all of my classmates were still listening to NSync. I remember walking around with Jump5's Spinning Around stuck in my head and I was sad that my classmates couldn't enjoy their music like I did.

Later in fifth grade, I started listening to the A/C group Point of Grace. They soon became another favorite of mine. In sixth grade, my sister won a CD by a band called Sanctus Real. She never opened it. I got a compilation CD somewhere that had a song by Sanctus on it and loved it. Then I realized that my sister had their CD. They quickly overtook both Jump5 and Point of Grace as my very favorite band. I lurked on their message boards for a long time before gaining the courage to ask my parents if I could join the boards. They let me join, and my musical love quickly grew. I made lots of friends on those boards, some of which I am still in touch with, as well as discovered a lot of new bands. I also learned how to listen to clips of songs on Amazon to decide if I wanted a CD.

One day when I was 12, I was watching an old Mary Kate and Ashley show (I think So Little Time) and they had a couple of songs on the show that I really liked. At the end of the show, I discovered that the band was called Superchick. They also became a favorite band of mine. My sister got me their first CD, Karaoke Superstars, as part of my 13th birthday present. I still love listening to that album. Later that summer, I went to Creationfest for the first time. I had already discovered a lot of new music and was excited about all the bands that would be there. The two I was most excited for, however, were Sanctus Real and Superchick. I went to each of their concerts and even got to meet both of the bands. As a 13 year old recent music addict, that was a huge deal.

Eight and ninth grade were a couple of tough years for me. I was in a depression and didn't really have a lot of friends. The one thing I did have, though, was music. I remember listening to some songs over and over again because they made me feel like I wasn't alone. The summer before ninth grade changed music for me forever. My sister won a compilation CD at our new youth group and gave it to me. I listened to each track carefully and in the end only liked one song on it. The song was by a new band called Flyleaf. It was a bit of a different sound for me, but I loved it. I looked them up online and watched their music video. I found out that they had an album coming out later that year. I got that album for Christmas from my sister and listened to it far too many times to count. I still listen to that album on a regular basis.

Over the years, I had discovered a lot of new bands; I developed a sort of personal relationship with each band and each song. I went to Creation every summer and got to see my favorite bands again as well as discover new ones. Soon, I had a vast library of music and a long list of favorite bands, though Sanctus Real was always at the top. I became a concert addict. In ninth grade, my mom took me to see Switchfoot at a bar in Seattle. That was the coolest thing for me. I had just recently seen them play the main stage at Creation; when I saw the size of the stage they would be playing on that night, I was shocked. I couldn't believe how close I would be to the band! My mom and I waited after the show and got to meet Jon Foreman. My mom and I were both so impressed with how personable and thankful he was.

The summer before tenth grade also changed music for me with the discovery of the band Paramore. I found out that their drummer, Zac, was only about a year older than me and that just blew my mind. I couldn't believe that this semi-successful band had a member that was so close to my age! They became another one of my favorite bands. Hayley's voice combined with the song lyrics just hit me somewhere inside. I could relate to all of their songs and just felt comfort in their music.

That same summer, I found out about an organization called To Write Love On Her Arms. They were actually how I found out about Paramore. They have a story that was written as the basis of the existence of their organization. One of the quotes really stood out to me and four years later is still one of my favorite quotes: "Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness." That quote meant so much to me because of how big of a role music played in my life. There were times when I was just in a bad place and music was the one thing that could comfort me. In a lot of ways, I think music is responsible for me continuing to have a relationship with God. Without it, there were a lot of times I probably would have just given up on Him.

I believe it was in tenth grade when I finally decided that Flyleaf could be considered my favorite band. More than any other band, their music and lyrics spoke to those dark areas of my life and gave me hope. Their music is considered dark by a lot of people, but it is still filled with hope. Never does the band leave you feeling depressed. Their music helped me to deal with a lot of stuff. I finally got to see them live for the first time in eleventh grade. Lacey Sturm, their lead vocalist, was and is one of my biggest role models. I got to meet her after that show and was just so inspired by her.

I also in the last two years started listening to the band Barlowgirl. I had written them off as a crappy chick band when they started but finally decided to actually listen to their music. I was surprised with how talented of musicians they were as well as how strong, outspoken and honest their lyrics were. To me, almost every one of their songs felt like it was written just for me. The Barlow sisters also have become huge role models for me.

In the last couple of years, my musical taste has expanded a lot. I can go from listening to loud, rambunctious screamo music to singer/songwriter stuff like Noah Gundersen. I have also learned to appreciate musical skill. I can listen to a song and recognize how much talent it takes to play. I guess that comes from my mediocre knowledge of playing guitar. I have also become a major concert addict. At this point in time, I am going to at least one concert a month, if not more.

Sometimes I turn my iTunes onto shuffle and just listen. I love to see what old songs it'll play. I can listen to a song and it'll bring me back to a specific situation where that song helped me through something or perfectly expressed how I was feeling. I have songs that I have cried to. Certain songs just hit me so hard that I can't just sing along to them, I have to yell the words at the top of my lungs. There are songs that make me want to become a part of something bigger in my life, to do something to change the world. To me, music is inspiring, comforting, healing, loving and hopeful. Music is constant.