The Waiting Game

Well, its been 2 1/2 months since I graduated. And the questions I keep getting are, “Have you gotten a job yet?” “Any prospects?” “Where are you looking?” For the record, here are my answers. No. No. Nowhere. I am not currently looking for a job in the dental field.

I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I was supposed to go to dental assisting school. I know that that was the direction God was taking my life. But now that I’m done, I have a sense that he has something for me outside of a traditional job, at least for the time being. I can always go back to the dental field, but I am in such a unique season in my life right now. I am 20 years old, single, have little debt, am done with college….I really have nothing tying me down right now aside from relationships.

That being said, I do not know specifically where God is leading me. Honestly, He could just be giving me a break before I go to work at a dentist office. I really don’t know. I have a lot of dreams and desires, but I don’t want that to be the driving force in any decisions I make in this season in my life. My flesh absolutely wants that to be the case, but I desire more than anything to be living out God’s plan for my life, which requires sacrifices.

I have a few different areas of ministry that have been brought up to me recently, but at this point I am just playing the waiting game. I have to be honest, it kind of sucks, because I am so used to having a plan for my life. I’m so used to having the next few years of my life mapped out, and now absolutely nothing is certain. This is such an interesting and stretching season for me spiritually and emotionally, but I can say even now in the midst of it that it is not something I would ever trade for the return.

A relationship with Christ, a true, passionate, committed, devoted and loving relationship with Him is worth more to me than anything this world could offer me, and it is far more worthy a cause to be suffering for. I am seeing every day more and more what kind of amazing, loving God I serve and it really makes these uncertain days completely worth it.

I guess those are my after midnight thoughts this evening.

Thirteen Years in the Making

Almost exactly 13 years ago, I had one little appointment that changed my life. Most sentences like that lead to some devastating words like, "I was diagnosed with cancer." My story is not nearly that dramatic; for me, this appointment was my first ever dental visit. The dentist my sister went to would only see children 7 or older. I remember wanting to go to the dentist so badly, but I wasn't old enough. When my mom told me that the dentist was going to let me come in a few days before my 7th birthday, I was elated. I felt like such a grown up, getting to get my teeth cleaned! Most kids hated going to the dentist, but I loved it; I loved it so much that, after that first appointment I told my mom that I knew what I wanted to do when I grew up: I wanted to be a dental hygienist. From then on, it was my plan, and it was set in stone.

I remember walking around the playground in 5th or 6th grade talking to my friend Emily about the future. I asked her if she knew what she wanted to do when she grew up and she said she wasn't sure yet, but that she'd thought about physical therapy. She knew that it had been my plan for a few years to be a dental hygienist and she asked if I thought that I would stick to that or that I'd change my mind. I told her that I couldn't imagine wanting to do anything else, simple as that.

Once I reached middle school, I started to plan. I looked at the possible educational paths I could take. I had decided some time in elementary school that I wanted to do Running Start at Skagit Valley College so that I could get all of my pre-reqs done while still in high school. I began to look into schools that I could go to after Skagit and found out that Eastern Washington University was the only university in the state that offered a dental hygiene degree. That school became my top pick, followed by Shoreline and Lewis and Clark. I knew that it was going to be hard, but I was determined.

In 11th grade, I started classes at Skagit. I had spent countless hours researching the pre-reqs for each school and figuring out which ones I could take at Skagit. It was going to be tough, but I had worked it out so that I could take all of the pre-reqs for all three schools at Skagit. My first quarter was great; I had the perfect schedule, great classes and great teachers. I was enrolled full-time at the school, was able to finish class every day by 10:30 and work part-time at Papa Murphys. It was a great set-up!

Winter quarter of my junior year changed everything. I found myself with classes that didn't start until 11:30 every day. I could either take an additional class that I didn't need or, at my dad's suggestion, look into volunteering at a dentist office. I thought my dad's idea was great and quickly stopped in at my dentist office to ask if it would be possible for me to come in every morning and observe. He agreed to let me come in, so starting January 2008, I went in three days a week. I split my time between observing hygiene, restorative and working in the front office. After a few weeks, I found myself in a dilemma: I loved being in the office but I really, really did not enjoy my time spent observing hygiene appointments. Every appointment was pretty much the same and really was not that interesting to me. The restorative appointments were a lot more fun to be a part of. Every appointment was different and they were a lot more exciting. I also loved my time spent in the front office doing filing and insurance work.

I talked to a couple of friends about my dilemma. I found myself really not wanting to be a hygienist anymore, but instead wanting to be an assistant. Everyone I talked to was so encouraging and reassuring. Part of me felt like I was abandoning The Plan that I'd had my whole life and I didn't want to fail myself or my family; on the other hand, it was gonna be hard work to get into the program, and I didn't want to spend all that money on a career I really wasn't that excited about. I was having a tough time with my microbiology class that quarter, and I knew that I had a lot more of them to come. I did a little research into the dental assisting program at Bellingham Technical College and thought that it might be the program for me. I sat my parents down and told them about my change in plans. They were extremely encouraging and let me know that it was perfectly fine for me to alter my plan a bit. I wasn't abandoning all that I had been working for, just tweaking things a bit. So I had a new goal: BTC.

Changing career focus allowed me more freedom at Skagit. I didn't have to take all science classes, which are pretty much my least favorite, and I would be able to earn an Associates degree. I got to take a lot of fun classes, from Small Group Communication to History of Rock and Roll, and really just had a great time earning my degree. Graduation day was huge for me. I was 17 years old and had earned a 2 year degree. Words cannot describe how accomplished I felt.

Back at the end of my junior year, Dr. Rasmussen found himself in need of a new part time front office employee. Instead of advertising the position, he offered it to me. I was already there, so why not start paying me? About a year after hiring me and just after graduating, Dr. Rasmussen asked me if I would be interested in working in a full time position as a schedule coordinator. I took the job and became part of the team at his office. At first, I was only there three days a week as I had some classes to finish at BTC prior to applying for the dental assisting program. At the end of 2009, I finished my classes and began really working full time. Dr. Dan was a great boss; although he knew I'd be leaving the job in a few months to start the dental assisting program, he included me in everything. I was able to go to several dental seminars put on by a dental consultant, Alan. I learned a great deal about communication in a dental office both with the team and with the patient. I also gained a lot of knowledge about dentistry itself.

My last day of work for Dr. Rasmussen was my 19th birthday in June 2010. It was a really bittersweet day, knowing I was leaving an amazing job and office but also knowing I was continuing the journey towards my goals and dreams. I spent the summer on some incredible adventures; I visited England, Paris, Las Vegas, Utah and Los Angeles, returning home 2 weeks before starting school. It was an amazing way to spend my 'last' summer as a student.

I remember my first day of class. I showed up early, books in hand, and got my kit of supplies for the year. I took my seat in the class, heart pounding on the inside but trying to keep it cool on the outside. As my classmates took their seats, I glanced at them all, thinking about how we would be spending the next nine months together. The class was a lot smaller than I expected with only 14 of us. When my teacher walked in, my first thought was that she looked so young, she had probably only graduated a few years ago herself. My initial thought was wrong. It was her first year teaching, but she was far from inexperienced, having been in the field for 20 years. We started class by introducing ourselves, then spent the morning looking over what we'd be learning. Despite my small dental background, everything seemed pretty foreign. There was a lot to learn and not a lot of time.

To be honest, a lot of the last nine months are a blur. Everything went by so fast. Looking back on things that happened three months ago, it seems like years. I ended up with some great classmates. Most of us were truly there to support and encourage one another. Some of us went through some personal trials, mine being the loss of my grandpa Bob back in January. Outside of the support from my friends and family, I probably couldn't have made it through school without the support from my classmates and teacher. Everyone was so encouraging and willing to just let me talk if I needed to. We formed a great support system for each other and I consider so many of them not just classmates but friends.

There is so much more I could say about the last nine months, so many stories I could tell. I have gone through so much personal growth. Looking back at who I was in September and who I am now, there are so many changes! Some of those changes came from the experiences I had at school, the friendships I made there, while others came from experiences and friendships outside of school. I have been blessed with an incredible community of people in my life!

Yesterday was it. It was my last day of school, and the start of the rest of my life. We went through all of the classic graduation activities: photos, hugs, laughs and memories. As I moved my tassel to the left side of my hat last night, as I walked across the stage to the cheer of my friends and family, as I shook the hand of my schools president, and as I hugged my teacher and thanked her for everything this year, a flood of emotions overwhelmed me. I began to tear up, realizing that this truly was it. I had made it. It was a struggle, sure, but I reached the finish line.

Thirteen years in the making.

i can get intellectual...

Last Wednesday, I sat at Starbucks wearing TOMS, leggings and a dress, typing on my Macbook and drinking my iced tea. I had headphones in my ears and was working on some projects and I really felt like I was emitting that perfect ‘indie intellectual’ vibe. I even joked about it with a couple of people who I saw who came in. But to be honest, I really liked it.

I could like to you right now and say that I am in a Starbucks wearing cute clothes sipping an iced coffee and listening to Death Cab for Cutie but thats not the truth, not even close. I’m sitting at my desk wearing PJs listening to Misty Edwards. I have no makeup on and my hair is a mess. Does that mean I’m not an ‘indie intellectual?’ Does that mean my thoughts are any less important? No, I don’t believe so; I do, however, believe that it changes people’s perception of my thoughts.

I honestly don’t know if that has anything to do with what I’m going to type. Actually, I don’t really know what I’m going to type. But I do know that I’ve been itching to write lately and so here I find myself.

The last two months or so have been absolutely life changing. God transformed my life literally overnight. I can kind of link it back to a few events, both of them in some way involving prayer…praying for others, specifically. One of the biggest things I’ve learned in the last two months is how truly powerful prayer is. In Matthew 7, Jesus speaks of asking and receiving; that has become such a great reality to me lately that it is staggering. I have seen prayers answered word-for-word within hours of me praying them. And these weren’t prayers for something to happen to me. They weren’t prayers for things that I had any control of whatsoever.

One example of this was prayer for certain conversations to come about between a friend of mine and a person in her life. I prayed for specific topics to be discussed. I told her the next day what I had prayed for and, slightly surprised, she told me that those specific things had been discussed the night before. This was not a conversation I had any part in at all. God is amazing!

Along with my growing relationship with Christ has come growing friendships with fellow Christians. I have been blessed with some of the most incredible friends in the last couple of months, both through growing in friendships that already existed to an explosion in brand new friendships. I look back to where my life was two months and see my life without certain people and can’t imagine what I did with myself before them. God has been using these friendships to tear down walls that I had created, to speak truth over lies that have been told and to pour out His own love into my life.

But all of this has not come without sacrifice of some sort. I have had to say ‘no’ to my flesh in so many ways. I have had to turn over my present desires in favor of an eternal reward. At times this has been as simple as choosing to listen to worship music instead of the alternatives, but God has really been preparing me through those small ‘sacrifices’ to learn to listen to His will and intentions for my life. Just last week, I had to say no to something major that I so greatly desired over following His path for my life. I was blessed in having some great mentors to give me advice, encouragement, prayer and Bible verses to help me make the difficult decision to say no to my flesh. But Proverbs 3:6 tells us that when we acknowledge God, He will guide our paths. I know this to be true.

All of this to say that without seeking and sacrificing for God, I would be nowhere, and I’d be heading there fast. I’d be without the incredible people in my life, which would be more of a loss for me than for them. I would be without the blessings He has given me, the things I don’t deserve but that He has so graciously provided. I’d be without a hope for eternity. He has poured His blood out over my life, over my mind, over my body, over my heart, over my soul and over my spirit. He has cleansed me of all of my wrongs so that I can live my life. Simply live it.

What things are you doing that you could give up? I’ve had to give up a lot. I’ve had to give up quite a few friendships because of choosing right. But even if that would have simply left me with Christ, it wold have been worth it. I’ve had to give up watching certain movies, going to certain parties, listening to certain music, saying certain words, the list goes on. I’ve given up completely the idea of dating. Don’t think that this isn’t an enormous struggle. I want to give up almost every day of my life. But the instant you look into His burning eyes of fiery love, everything is okay. I know that He remains the same and that my present circumstances will pass.

I know this is kind of all over the place, but this is small taste of where I’m at, what I feel, what I believe, and what my prayer is for all of you. I would strongly encourage you all to fast from non-worship music, no matter how good it may be or how much you may love the band. I highly recommend Misty Edwards and Jesus Culture. Between those two artists alone, you’ve got several hours of music soaking in the Holy Spirit. Download some teachings. Again, I highly recommend the few that Misty Edwards has done. Seek out God. Seek out His face, listen for His voice, and ask Him to reveal to you the plan He has for you. It will change your life.

Calling

(Copied from my tumblr)

Its so sad to me how much the world has forsaken God. He should be our first love, but He has been pushed to the back of the line. We listen to music, watch movies and TV shows, read books and magazines and have conversations that not only hurt us but also bring down our integrity as followers of Christ. We are meant to be the salt of the earth but instead we are just relying on others to perform that job.

I have been trying to make some big changes in my life lately. I am being a LOT more cautious about what movies and TV shows I watch. Just because something feeds our flesh doesn’t mean it is worth watching. I do not want anything to do with shows that feed my flesh because they can only lead to unhealthy beliefs, thoughts and habits. A lot of the stuff on TV and in movies serves only to fuel lust. The same goes for books, magazines and music.

Music could be one of the most beautiful things on earth. Its true purpose, to me, is to reveal God’s beauty and lead us to worship Him and reflect upon Him. Instead, people are creating and listening to music all about sleeping around, making out, shooting people, whatever. Its disgusting. The world has taken something precious and beautiful and completely destroyed it. I have been listening to a lot of Jesus Culture lately and its just incredible to me the type of worship music they are creating. It is just saturated with the Holy Spirit and yet people instead choose to listen to music with lyrics such as, “When the sober girls around me they be actin like they drunk.” I mean, come on people! That is just pathetic.

Think of how much we could grow in our relationships with God if we actually put some time and effort into it! We waste so much time chasing the values of the world: lust, feeling good, being rich, being popular and on and on and on. If we put half as much effort in our relationship with God as we do in the temporary things of this world, we could change it. We may not end up rich, we may not be popular, but in the end, what does that matter? In the end, you would get to look back and see the impact you made on the world. In the end, you could look back on your life with integrity, knowing that you did your best. In the end, you would be greeted in heaven by your proud Father saying that you did well. That is worth so much more than any temporary thing this world could offer!

Its time we stand up and accept our callings as Christians. Its time we recognize that along with a healthy relationship with Christ comes sacrifice. We may have to sacrifice the views that others have on us, but God sacrificed His Son. We may have to sacrifice living comfortably but Jesus gave up His seat in heaven to save us. We may suffer but Christ suffered a death more excruciating than any of us could imagine. He gave His everything and simply asks that we give Him SOMETHING. We should be more than happy and more than willing to give everything we have for Him.

Now this is just as much for me as it is for anyone who chooses to read it. But it is essential that we all realize this calling we have. God is calling out to us.

“Come away with me, come away. Its never too late, its never too late, its not too late for you. I have a plan for you, I have a plan. Its going to be wild, its going to be great, its going to be full of Me. Open up your heart and let Me in.”